'Lucky'

Today, I've been thinking about all of the ways that I am lucky. I have a great new job, a wonderful husband and partner, and a beautiful, smart, happy, loving and -- most importantly -- healthy son. Not to mention my terrific, supportive friends and family.

And, ironically, as I write this I'm listening to "Lucky" by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.

I've been thinking about my good fortune today, because I found out my friend's 5-month-old son may have a really terrible health issue. This beautiful little boy, really just a tiny baby, will have surgery in two days to explore a mass in his abdomen. His parents are consulting with oncologists -- cancer doctors. It's every parent's worst nightmare.

He's not even my child and every time I think about it I start to cry. I cry for his pain and suffering, his worried parents, his big sister, who must be very confused. And I cry because I know it could happen to me, too. All of a sudden something really terrible could be wrong with my little boy with no warning whatsoever.

But instead of dwelling on the what might happen, I'm trying to focus on what I have, because what I have is pretty great and I don't want to take it for granted.

A Little Hiatus

My head is not in the writing game. At least not fiction writing. I have a new full-time job, so for a week or two I was preparing my home office. Then during the past week and a half I have been settling in to the new gig -- getting back in touch with my contacts, doing research, scrambling to write one or two good articles every day, etc.

As a result, I barely have worked on any of the books I've written, despite the great professional feedback I got last month at the SDSU Writers' Conference. I am exhausted. My brain is so tired at the end of the day, I have no motivation to work on anything for my own pleasure. All I want to do after work is watch Downton Abbey or read a library book or do a little research for my new job.

So, until I can find my motivation again and/or start feeling a little more comfortable in my new job, I'm on a writing hiatus. I'm going to try not to make myself feel guilty or worry that the agents I met at the writing conference forgot all about me (I'm sure they forgot about me within days of the conference), but I know the guilt and worry will gnaw at me anyway.

* Sigh * Yawn * Shrug *

The Tiger's Wife

I'm on the fence about "The Tiger's Wife" by Tea Obreht. I saw a couple of rave reviews about it, so when I saw it at the library, I checked it out. It's due back at the library on Sunday, but that doesn't seem to be enough motivation to make me read it faster.

I don't know how to categorize it -- high concept? Literary fiction? Whatever it is, I think the story meanders a little too much for me. I mean, the writing itself is well done, but the story is kind of confusing. She talks about present day then goes back in time for a while, so by the time your time and place changes again you've forgotten who some of the characters are.

I want to love it, because Obreht is a new, young writer who's done really well for herself. Then again, I want to hate her because she's only about 27 years old and she has a critically acclaimed novel and several published short stories. But I just don't love her book, at least not yet.

I'm about a third of the way in and I'm thinking of giving up on it. And at the rate I'm going, I don't know if I'll finish it before it's due at the library anyway. Frustrating ...

I Was Going to do Some Writing Tonight, But ...

I watched the season finale of Downton Abbey tonight instead of sitting down to work on one of my books. True, it was on my DVR, so I could've watched it any time, but I watched it anyway.

The thing about working from home is that once I'm done working, I don't really want to spend a few more hours sitting at my computer, where I've sat all day.

But now, I've got Downton out of my system, so I'll write tomorrow. Then again, I've got a library book that's due in six days ... Uh oh ...

New Job, New Outlook on Writing (I Hope)

I'm starting a new job tomorrow and the thing I'm most looking forward to is that I get to work from home.

I'm probably overestimating how big of a perk this is, but right now I see lots of benefits -- less time commuting to and from work, more time at home with my family, financial savings in terms of wardrobe (I can wear jeans to work and my boss won't care) and gas, etc., etc., etc.

I just can't emphasize enough the time savings. The time I won't spend sitting in traffic or waiting to leave the office at an acceptable hour is remarkable. That's time I can spend with my husband and son, and time that I can spend writing or reading. It's time that I can spend on chores so that I have more time to spend with my family or writing.

I hope to be less tired from racing to the office in the morning and racing home at night -- at a snail's pace in heavy traffic -- so that I can stay up late and write. I'll wake up early, but not as early as I used to, to get my day started. Perhaps I'll end my day early enough that I have time to put some thought into dinner and set aside some time to exercise in the afternoon or evening, rather than at an obscenely early morning hour.

The possibilities seem endless, but I know there's only so much I can do with the extra time I'll have. I'm excited to see how it all works out and I'm beyond hopeful that I'll be able to carve out more time for writing. Let the next adventure begin!

Lots of Distractions

My writing life is in a bit of upheaval right now, because I've got a new job that I'm starting next week. I'll be working from home, so I've been working on getting my home office in order, which means I haven't been writing.

I feel like I've taken a big step back since the writing conference last month. That should have been a big motivator, but instead I feel like I have a lot more work to do before I can send anything to any agents or editors -- even the ones who requested my first three chapters.

I need to work on both books before I send anything out, but I haven't had the time or motivation, even though I'm worried that the agents and editors I met will lose interest if I wait too long to get in touch with them. On the other hand, I don't want to send chapters off to them until the entire book is ready to read.

What if their interest is piqued by the sample chapters and I'm not ready to respond promptly when they ask for more? It's a long shot that they'll be interested, but I want to be ready in case they are.

Maybe when my new job gets sorted out ... yeah, I've used that excuse or something like it before.

Shouldn't Have Had That Glass of Wine ...

What goes great with a hot, steaming plate of spaghetti? A nice, cold glass of wine.

What goes well with a couple of hours at the end of the day to write in peace? Not a glass of wine.

Darn it!

I've realized during the past few weeks that my age (I'll be 36 in September) is catching up with me, physically anyway. I used to be able to go to sleep at 11 p.m. and wake up at 4:30 a.m. to go to the gym. Clearly, I can't do that anymore.

I wake up at 4:30, get to the gym at 5 a.m. and have a great burst of energy to get me through until, oh, about lunch time. Then my body starts to tell my brain, "Hey, fool, you can't get up at 4:30 if you're going to go to bed at 11 p.m. We need more sleep than that!"

So, I have another little burst of energy while I make dinner and coach my son through eating his meal. Then, after his bath, we sit in the rocking chair in his room and read half a dozen books before he goes to sleep ... and that's when I start to nod off too. Right around 8:30. Arg!

I think I have a solution: I have a new job and I'll be working from home. That means I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn to exercise, because I don't have to commute to work. And, hopefully, that means I'll have more time to exercise without squeezing it in to the start of my day. And then I'll be awake enough to write at night. Right? Let's hope so.

Damn Good Book!

I'm reading a really great book. But, damn it -- it's not one that I wrote! My motivation is still lacking, despite a genuine effort last night to write until I started falling asleep at the computer.

For my book club, I'm reading "Once Upon a River" by Bonnie Jo Campbell. At first, the writing was so descriptive, but walking that fine line between "show don't tell," that I was torn about how I felt about the story. It was a lot of: "She got out of bed. She walked across the room. She looked out into the kitchen and saw him cooking bacon. She went to the bathroom ..."

Now, almost halfway through the book, the character is more developed, she's seeing things more vividly -- a beautiful blue heron, a pregnant doe -- and the story is getting richer. I've got to know what's going to happen to this girl next and how she's going to get through it, learn from it and move on. I'm itching to read some more after I fold a load of laundry, and then maybe I'll do some writing, maybe ...

I'm still disappointed that my motivation to work on my own books has been waning this past week since the writing conference. Part of me is tired, because of some things going on in my life, and part of me is daunted by the amount of work I still need to do to whip my books into shape.

And, damn it, when I read good writing like Bonnie Jo Campbell's it doesn't help, because I know my work isn't anywhere near that good. And then there's the fact that this particular book makes me want to revisit a character I created in a story that I put on hold a while back. But part of me knows I need to focus on my two finished books and make them stronger first.

*sigh* And yet, the laundry beckons.